What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 04:17
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She found it foreign!.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Is it just me, or do we all hate Sasuke from Naruto?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
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She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
All the time i was locked up.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Why is it common for guys to sleep with 10-20 women then marry a good girl?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I have no regrets .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I think the readers, may guess!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
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I know ,a lot about trauma.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
What is the best/cute/funny/playful chat/conversation between brother and sister?
One cannot live in the past .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
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At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
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But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Do you remember one day, you put a deep smile on someone's face and made them very happy?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Why are some people afraid of monsters?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
We were not on the streets..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Why do wives cheat with black guys?
Especially a lifetime of it.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
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He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
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Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I don,t even have a pension.
This is soul school!.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
It was going to be , some day.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I waited trembling.
I write beautiful poetry .
Put me off passion for life!!
I was very sick at this time too.
She wouldn,t have been !
My family never makes their pension either.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I couldn’t, believe it.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She married twice! .
But, we were locked up after school.
I was seconnd youngest,
So, i spoilt her more .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was scared of men, in general
She was in good health!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We all went to grammer schools
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
So whats the point in blame.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
My life is so biszare .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
What did i know ?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Comes on , in middle age.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Who then, do I blame.?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And i lived it daily.
I was 9 years of age.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I said to her
Would this be the day?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I could never make a relationship work though!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
When she asked me how she looked .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Ive learnt so much.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She loved him until the end.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Im still living with it.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Was to survive, this bastard.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He knew the spot.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
As i do to all so called friends.?
But it wasn’t much.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I will be 64.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.